Posts Tagged ‘bacon’

The Thinking Viking was craving a steak.  Work’s been busy, “good” busy, but man, eyestrain, sore feet and stress.  So I decided to take the easy route and went to my local Applebees.  Nice place, actually, probably owned by some corporate zombie vampire, but hey, once in a while.  Standard sirloin with taters, iced tea, the date was eating french onion soup and sipping a green apple martini.  The bill comes… faux leather folded thing with a Discover logo, longish receipt sticking out… pretty normal…and falls off the table. Receipt flying free.

I snatch it mid – air, and the receipt too. One handed. Without much apparent effort. Shit.

Waitress says “Nice catch”, with an odd “WTH?”  look.  They’re on to me.

Happy Friday!


PS. I left a 30% tip.



Posted: February 24, 2013 in Humor, My Whirled, Stories
Tags: , , ,

The Thinking Viking often goes to a local greasy spoon for bacon and eggs on Sunday mornings.  I may have to choose a new location.

After I polished of a big plate of greasy goodness, I found I had no cash – oops. So, I pay with my debit card.  Cashier tries to hand me the receipt, but it slips from her grasp and is suddenly blown away by a stiff draft.  I snatch it mid air while holding the pen I was preparing to sign it with.  The cashier gasps – “wow, nice catch”.  The owner is right behind her.  “Wow, dude, really nice catch”.  The old woman having breakfast next to the register is giving me a strange look.

Me:  “I… I am”

” I am…”


I look around cautiously, and my right hand writes the words on that CC receipt that were floating through my head.


I left a 30% tip.


Ok, here’s my super-great steak -mushroom-potato meal indoors with no BBQ grille recipe (adaptable to outdoor grilling – just be sure you keep the mushroom slices big enough not to fall through the grill).

1 12-16 oz boneless rib eye. New York Strip alternate.

1 large Portobello mushroom/ half carton baby Portobello

1 large russet potato

4 slices bacon

steak sauce

Worcestershire sauce

balsamic vinegar

12 oz can of Coke

12 oz beer (something clear, no stouts etc)

olive oil

black pepper

sea salt

Marinade the steak in equal parts Coke and Beer (lager, nothing fancy, “clear” ), with generous helpings of A1 (or your favorite  steak/bbq sauce), ( I used about 6-8 tablespoons and tossed some Tapitito hot sauce in too) Worcestershire sauce and a couple of table spoons – hmm several tables spoons balsamic vinegar. 1 tablespoon+ fresh ground pepper and a pinch of sea salt. Save a half cup or so of this for the shrooms. – let steak soak covered at room temp for at least three hours. The acidity of the mix will prevent bacteria growth, don’t worry.

Slice shroom into long strips and soak in the rest of the marinade. Get all pieces well soaked, leave it soaking until ready to start cooking.

Cook and eat 2 slices of bacon, keep the grease – cast iron skillet best.  Time to preheat oven to BROIL.

Remove mushroom from marinade and brush/shake with olive oil until coated (seals in goodness).

Sautee mushrooms in bacon grease until they just begin to darken and soften – remove and save.

Turn up heat on skillet little past medium, remove steak from marinade and sear both sides in bacon grease/mushroom juice in skillet. maybe thirty seconds a side.

Put steak on broiling pan/grill – put remaining bacon on top of steak like a blanket and cover it all with sautéed shrooms.

Broil 5 minutes – remove shrooms and bacon, flip steak, put the shrooms and bacon back on -bacon on top this time, broil 5 more minutes.

This should give a barely medium rare, juicy steak. Increase cooking as needed for less rareness.

While the steak is cooking freaking microwave the potato and warm up /soften some butter for it.

Eat the steak with a piece of mushroom in each bite – alternating with buttered potato bites.

Enjoy with a cold beer or a glass of Petit Sirah or Cabernet.



There’s a little Qwik-E-Mart type place – well, more of a mini-grocery+liquor+porn store just down the road from my pad. Run by a Pakistani family all devout Muslims.  The main guy is there all day, six days a week. 6 AM to 10 PM, 11 PM Friday and Saturday, 9 PM on Sundays.  That is nearly 100 hours a week.  But I’m not talking about him.

They employ a man for clean-up and shelf stocking.  This is who I am talking about. I am fairly sure he is suffering from Proteus Syndrome – aka The Elephant Man.  UPDATE: I asked him direct what happened.  It’s worse than I thought. He has no disease.  He applied some Mexican made face cream/balm and fell asleep with it on. His body reacted badly, nature is cruel.  This man looks like his face is …well, I can’t describe it.  Huge red lumpy growths cover his left cheek and chin, he can barely see out of the left eye. Several fingers are affected.  This is the face that makes children cry and hide behind their mothers.  Even a blind woman would know he is, well, truly hideous to look upon.

But you know what?  Two years ago I was recovering from surgery to rebuild my right leg after an “almost killed me” motorcycle wreck. I was on crutches and in a great deal of pain.  When I crutched my way up to the door of their shop, wondering how I was going to even open the door, guess who ran up to help? He held the door, and once I was inside, he walked back and picked up the brand of beer I buy – that’s about all I buy there, since their selection of groceries is pretty limited, and brought it up to the counter.  I looked at him for the  first time then- I admit I had averted my gaze – he’s that bad- and then I saw the person who was in there.  A kind, compassionate human being. Hidden behind a face even a mother would have trouble loving.  He then helped me get the beer into my backpack, after seeing me struggle with the crutches.  And held the door as I left.

So, I have a bunch of metal in my leg.  It hurts sometimes.  But babies smile at me. Strangers don’t cringe and look away. Ladies tell me I’m good looking.

Life could be MUCH worse.


(tip: do not buy bacon at a store run by Muslims, just saying)